Kids, what's the secret to staying young? I figured this out and I'll share it with you. It's living your life by the three B's.

Three B's, what are the B's?

Biking, Beer, and Barbarian Comics.

But wait, there's more. I'm going to add a fourth B into the mix. Living Your Life by the Four B's.

Biking, Beer, Barbarian Comics, and Birdass.

But what does Bird Ass have to do with this game review? Because it's sitting next to Kangaroo. And that rhymes. Wow. Way to go me.

Game review, Kangaroo. Whoopy-doo. It's a fun game. Though I'm terrible at it. You won't see any good gameplay here, but it's great. I like Kangaroo. Kangaroo is a fun game, but as it turns out I'm not very good at it.

I am very good at those other things though. If I could get a high score at Beering Barbarians and Biking, I would do that. But who doesn't love a kangaroo with boxing gloves?

It's Atari's 1982 arcade game, Kangaroo, based on the animal.

But yo, this game's for the moms out there. Donkey Kong's all about the dad, right? I forget the plot of Donkey Kong. Maybe it's Donkey Kong Jr., he's trying to save his son. Well, in this game, you're playing the mother who's trying to save her child.

I guess me being manufactured into tennis shoes called kangaroos that have little pockets and you can put your beer money in them... anyone?

Like if you could wear your kangaroos with your Freaky Freezers, you got your 1980s on.

Welcome back to a special Classic Game Room today where I'm going to be taking a look at the Kangaroo arcade machine from Atari here at Velum Fermentation in Pittsburgh.

Alright, using the Sega Saturn Net Link, I double checked.

The plot of Donkey Kong Jr., I was wrong. It's reversed. You're the son trying to save the dad. Which is complete nonsense because kids would just be like, "Yeah, whatever. We don't care about you. Just give me some money."

But that doesn't change my statement that in Kangaroo, you're the mom trying to save her kids, though the game is very much inspired by Donkey Kong. And it feels a lot like Donkey Kong Jr.

So if you like Donkey Kong Jr., I think you'll love Kangaroo.

There's a great risk-versus-reward arcade game element in here, inspired by Pac-Man, I think.

So if you're looking for a big score, you've got to eat all the fruit. And I'll get to that in a moment, but the overall concept of the game is that you have to hop your way to the top of the screen, or to wherever your kid is, and save them without getting killed by the super-duper annoying monkeys.

I hate these monkeys.

I hate the monkeys in this game.

I hate the monkeys. They suck.

But Led Zeppelin was much better.

How cool would it be if you were playing a game against Led Zeppelin sitting on the sidelines just throwing beer bottles at you, but the monkeys are throwing apples?

Which I can't imagine would do that much harm to a kangaroo, but maybe these are explosive or poison apples.

You will hate monkeys for the rest of your life after playing this game, I promise you.

These monkeys suck.

The music is great and I love the graphics. It's such a fun game to look at.

Though not always fun to die repeatedly after being killed by monkeys.

So it does feel rewarding to punch out the monkeys in this game. You get some points for the monkeys.

There's a lot of scoring elements in here from Pac-Man and Centipede.

You can play the game straight through and just try to save the kid, take the easy route, and just breeze through each level, which is more or less what I'm doing here.

Collect the bonus and just progress the game.

If you ring the bell during each level, the fruit regenerates. Then the fruit becomes worth more.

So that's like the Pac-Man thing. Ms. Pac-Man.

You go back and eat the fruit.

The strawberries are worth one hundred points, the apples are worth two hundred, the berries are four hundred, and pineapple is eight hundred.

It's good to see pineapple represented in the video game. I like pineapple.

Pineapple's good for you. It's not only a good source of vitamin C and manganese, but also bromelain. Look that one up.

It's a very rare thing that pineapple has.

It aids in digestion and somehow I'm still alive and made it through spring break in Florida living on corn dogs and beer.

So I just think pineapple's good for you.

And I like to see it getting big points in this game.

Put that in a smoothie with some blueberries and you'll live forever.

But only if you drink beer and bike.

This is why I'm not a jock.

Now if you're going to go for the fruit, you've really got to hustle.

You need to memorize the levels because I think you die when the bonus timer runs out.

The screen starts to fill up with monkeys and then this annoying thing comes out from the side of the screen that you can punch out for some points.

Kind of reminds me of the spider in Centipede.

When you get really close to it and you shoot the spider, you get more points.

So if you're playing on the edge, if you're living life to the extreme in Kangaroo, that's how you get the big points.

But the really tricky thing with Kangaroo is simply finding a Kangaroo arcade machine.

The other day I was playing at Velum while playing the Dune Pinball machine for the review. In fact, if you watch that video, you'll see Doug, who runs Pittsburgh Pinball, wheeling in the Kangaroo machine.

I didn't even know he had one.

It's such a cool game, and I love the arcade cabinet design and the artwork.

Like the Atari games always look good.

And Kangaroo is no exception.

I'm actually kind of jealous that he has this machine.

If I could find a way to wheel this out without anybody noticing—or maybe not even telling Doug on a video review that I'm stealing his game—I would do that.

He might miss it though.

I don't think it's enough to just punch out the monkeys.

I think you should also be allowed to light them on fire.

I got so fed up with the monkeys after about 50 games, I had to stop playing Kangaroo and play something easy.

Tell me this isn't the greatest afternoon ever.

The Four B's, plus a little bit of vitamin D with Defender.

It's Kangaroo.

So thanks again to Velum Fermentation.

Thanks to my friend Doug for maintaining and preserving this beautiful game.

If you can't find the arcade machine, I know this was released on the Atari 2600 and I think the 5200.

I think I reviewed them all.

Is it on the 7800?

Hang on, let me check with the Sega Saturn Net Link.

It says no, this was not released on the Atari 7800.

I wonder if I can just use the Sega Saturn Net Link to generate my own Classic Game Room reviews without actually doing any work.

Nah, that violates the 4 B's.

Go out and find one of these games the hard way, on a bike.

There's frequently beer waiting for you at the end of the journey, and kangaroos and evil monkeys.

And Barbarian Comics.

Batman would also work.

Don't forget Birdass, which is on the Atari 7800.

For professionals only.

See you next time on Classic Game Room.

Your source for healthy living advice.

I think really the secret is wood grain and cigarettes.