Somebody wake up Hicks.

I keep playing but I also just want to sit here in this level and listen to the music. It’s so good.

I’m Andrew Darius.

Yes, more things in life need to remind me of Aliens mixed with Smash TV. This is what the world needs. Xeno Crisis on the Sega Genesis.

This is a 2019 release from Bitmap Bureau, also available on other game systems, lesser game systems. But I think the proper way to play this is on the Sega Genesis, and you’re gonna want a six‑button controller. Don’t even think of playing this game with the three‑button controller. It just won’t work well. The D‑pad controls the direction of your space marine. Four of the buttons direct your fire. One button rolls and the other one throws grenades. If you like Smash TV, you’re gonna love Xeno Crisis.

The only crisis I see is that we don’t have more of these games. Where’s the sequel Is it Lieutenant Truxton

Unsurprisingly, I love the art design, heavily inspired by some movie that we’ve probably seen a couple times. Maybe a few movies. The chunky 16‑bit graphical presentation harnesses all the properties of blast processing that the universe can throw onto your CRT without exploding the screen.

Xeno Crisis does it right, provided you have a six‑button Sega Genesis controller with which to play the game. The controls are the hardest part. Like a twin‑stick shooter such as Robotron 2084 and Smash TV, you need to run and shoot at the same time. And my brain kept wanting to go back to a twin‑stick configuration, but the D‑pad and buttons will have to suffice.

On the three‑button controller you need to rotate, and trust me, don’t even try.

As one would expect, wave after wave of increasingly difficult enemies will attack, swarm, and try to consume your space marine in a variety of vivid alien worlds and horrible laboratories. They try to eat your face, they try to shoot you, they try to explode. But you won’t let them, because you’re a space marine fueled by the power of blast processing in the future. Absolute badass.

In between missions you’ll exchange those dog tags that you’ve collected for upgrades. Don’t forget to upgrade. You won’t get very far in Xeno Crisis without upgrading. You can also purchase continues, and you’ll definitely want those. This game isn’t easy. Even on easy, Xeno Crisis packs a punch. Repeat gameplay and mastery of the controls is a must, but the game looks, plays, and sounds so good that it won’t be a problem.

Vectrex. Well, you need to own that too. I’m just bankrupting you. My apologies. It’s a relatively short game, so if you’re really good at it, I guess you can blast your way through it and then want more. The hard difficulty is merciless, as if easy wasn’t hard enough.

Provided you have two Genesis controllers, you can invite a friend and play Xeno Crisis together, perhaps reducing the chance that you’ll be eaten by an alien and slowly digested over a period of a thousand years. I love the storyline that unfolds through slides in between each level, and the variety of enemies and end bosses is pretty cool. Also, you gotta pay respect to the voice dialogue in Xeno Crisis. More Genesis games should talk to you. Just imagine what they would say.

All Bay, slash your friends, Nintendo in the hammer.

Did you hear that That’s weird. I don’t remember even putting that in the edit. Not sure where it came from. But I know where this game came from: from my friend Lee in North Carolina. Thank you, Lee. The show doesn’t take game donations anymore, but Lee’s been in touch over the years, and I couldn’t resist playing another new—new‑ish, 21st‑century, 25th‑century Sega Genesis game.

Xeno Crisis is tons of fun and totally worth playing on whatever game system you have. Honestly, it’s true. No really, every game system is acceptable.

Provided it’s not Nintendo.

Where’s that coming from I’m not doing that, I swear.