For nearly an eternity, Classic Game Room has been your go-to resource for reviews of the most hardcore games.

And there can be no game more hardcore than Simon.

It's like Squid Game except plastic and colorful. How good is your memory? Not as good as Simon's. This unassuming game will push your brain to the limit and beyond.

In addition to a black and white LCD screen, mono speaker, questionable build quality, Simon delivers infinite resolution graphics. One could say they're as good as real life. And virtual reality in reality without wires.

Let's see your hardcore games do that. Fool.

Simon laughs as you crumple into a ball on the floor and weep for your stupidity is overwhelming. You cannot defeat Simon. Simon defeats you.

The tension builds, perspiration forms on your brow, it's insufferable. Simon doesn't flinch. It keeps throwing colored musical patterns your way until eventually your feeble human mind gives in and succumbs to the power of Simon.

What awaits ye who fails at Simon?

A fate worse than death.

Is there any chance to win? Perhaps. But you'll need to purchase a DLC pack for that. From Electronic Arts, which has no affiliation with Simon anyway. It's amazing how that works.

For a more intimate experience with Simon, I recommend turning off the lights. Which will cost you $14.95 a month. Or $89.95 for a yearly fee that renews at $109.95 the second year.

No! But as an added bonus, you get $5 off Star Wars Battlefront II.

Simon! Don't confuse it. For a mere game aimed at children, it's an acronym.

Sadistic.
Irrational.
Mean.
Omnipotent.
Nemesis.

You can't outsmart me you plastic piece of junk!

Repeat the colored patterns or face the consequences.